She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
