Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
How many fucks given?
0.12846
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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