I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
