everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
