You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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