does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
