possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Panties = found
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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