Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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