Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize