i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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