God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
