Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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