At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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