I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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