Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
