omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
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