i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
