Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize