I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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