Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
