I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
