Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
