I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
