I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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