i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
