Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
