I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
whose parrot is this?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize