K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
