I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Alive.
So much puke
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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