guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
