You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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