I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize