Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
