i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
