Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
COCAINE IS GR8
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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