I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
vagina is talking i cant
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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