your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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