We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
