The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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