you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
