In the future we'll all be gay
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
