I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
