Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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