My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You were trust falling into bushes
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
