I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
