If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
