The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize