You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
