i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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