So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
