You were right. It hurts to walk today.
This house was built for laser tag.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize