Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
