just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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