im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
