After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
