Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
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