is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
