No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
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