someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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