i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
