i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
