It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Terrible idea I love it
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
