did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
