margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
