Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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