my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
