Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize