i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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