I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
