I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
There are leaves in my underwear?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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