Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
