you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just forgot I was standing up.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
