whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
