from now on my penis is your penis
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
