I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize