guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
that may or may not have been my penis.
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