He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
